Life keeps handing me lemons

…and there’s no market for lemonade.

Nobody takes the time to search for my cozy little out-of-the-way lemonade stand anymore (admittedly, I was never very good at marketing it in the first place.)  Sure, it may not be the newest or flashiest stand in town, but I’m proud of the fact that I built it myself (with no training in the field of lemonade stand building.)  I gave it a few minor renovations over the years, but it never seemed to make a difference in terms of lemonade consumption.  People visited because they wanted my world-famous gourmet lemonade.  The stand was merely a means of letting people know I had lemonade available – always 100% natural & made with REAL passion, hope and good intentions.

“New Hope #252″ – 16″ x 20″ – breast painting

Initially, the onslaught of  lemons was a blessing because making lemonade made me happy and it made lots of other people happy too.  My lemonade used to sell briskly and I even ran out of lemons several times.  I regularly donated some of my profits to charities that battle citric cancer, a devastating disease that affects 200,000 and kills 40,000 lemon trees annually.  It felt nice to be able to “ade” the community in that way.

“New Hope #251″ – 12″ x 12″ – breast painting

My neighborhood is now littered with the garbage of corrupt lemonade vendors who have stolen my signage and tried to capitalize on partial recipes that were clearly obtained from my once-successful lemonade stand. The lemonade industry has become cheapened with mass-produced, artificially-sweetened lemon water containing unnatural ingredients like lies and lemony tears that were obviously extracted from tissues found in MY garbage.  I’d leave if I could, but I have nowhere else to go.  I’m destined to make lemonade…but what’s the point if nobody wants it?

“New Hope #214″ – 18″ x 24″ – breast painting

Dear Life,

The lemons were nice at first (did you get my thank-you note???) but now they’re piling up rather quickly, don’t you think?  What I thought was a gift has turned into some giant practical joke to you.  Not cool, Life.  It’s apparent that there’s some sort of crazy surplus on these things, and you have nothing better to do than torture me with them.  Real classy.  I am now refusing lemon deliveries on a daily basis for your entertainment.

You gave me common sense and a creative outlet, then told me to follow my dreams.  I worked hard, helped others, and found a way to make an honest living doing something that was perfectly suited to the life of anxiety, trust issues, irrational fears, and traumatic experiences you also gave me.  I even took your advice and starting offering limeade.

Life, you hired me for a temp job that you knew was being phased out.  You left no instructions.  Do you know how horrible that feels?   I have no clue what I did to deserve this.

Please stop with the lemon thing.  At least switch to kiwis or something smaller to delay the drowning process a little longer.

Kira

P.S.  Lemons are fantastic sound insulators.  No one has complained about my screams of despair yet.  Was that your idea or just a coincidence?

In case you’re new here: lemonade = breast paintings

I don’t know why I bothered using metaphors on a blog no one reads.  Perhaps I felt the need to illustrate that this mental illness stuff can happen to anyone, and it relates to the chemistry of the brain, not the intelligence of the individual.  Some of us have brains with loads of potential, but the wiring is screwed up.  It bothers me that there are people who can’t understand that depression is not a matter of willpower, and anxiety isn’t something you just get over by facing your fears. A severely depressed person can’t “snap out of it.”  This really needs to be common knowledge among those who are blessed with sanity but cursed with ignorance.  Chances are, someone you know is dealing with depression right now.  Maybe they aren’t broadcasting it loud and clear like I am, but please be sensitive about the subject…so many people are overwhelmed with life right now, and they may be putting on a happy face for your benefit.  Don’t ignore friends/family because they’re less fun to be around…those feelings of abandonment just add to the misery.

“New Hope #240″ – 16″ x 20″ – breast painting

2 days ago I started taking Zoloft, the same “antidepressant” that gave me suicidal thoughts (about 7 years ago.)  I’m terrified.  Yes, my doctor knows all this, and yes, he prescribed it anyway because this time I’m also on medication for my ADD.  This is my 6th attempt with antidepressants, and I’ve never gotten any lasting benefit from any of them.  I even mentioned in a previous post about Lexapro that I’d never take an SSRI again.  The side effects are brutal, and withdrawing from them is pure hell. Past experiences tell me I’ll be OK for a few months and then my body will tell me to get the meds out of my system.  I’m not comfortable with taking synthetic chemicals that result in an inability to express real emotion.  Yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, natural remedies, etc. may be helpful in alleviating moderate stress and depression.  However, they all require motivation, discipline, and a mind that’s free from racing thoughts.  I’m 0 for 3 at the moment, so I see no other option than to try these stupid little pills once again.  I’ll take the 3 months of being “somewhat OK” and deal with the other 9 months of living a nightmare when the time comes.

This post isn’t entirely about my plummeting art sales, the resulting poverty, or my fractured sense of self-worth.  If you don’t hear from me for a while, it’s because I’ll soon be dealing with a few unrelated, yet very painful events that I’m just not equipped to handle.  The only thing I’m certain of is my current fragility.

I hope your holidays are filled with serenity and peace.

Lemonade, anyone?

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #28-31 & Black Pond photos

Just listed or to be listed very shortly:

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” # 28 – ACEO

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #29 – ACEO

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #30 – ACEO

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #31 – ACEO

Place your bid on eBay

These photos are 5″ x 7″ prints that Kathy (from NY) requested after seeing the photos on my Facebook page.  Add me as a Facebook friend to view other photos from this series that may be available.  These are the same swans that I photographed as fuzzy little cygnets 5 months earlier.  Prints are available as other sizes as well – just send me a request.

1 signed 5×7 print – $10 shipped
2 signed 5×7 prints – $15 shipped
3 signed 5×7 prints – $20 shipped
4 signed 5×7 prints – $25 shipped

Shipping free in the U.S. only.  Inquire about international shipping costs and I’ll get you a quote.  Professionally printed on Fujicolor Crystal Archive Paper, with a white border for easy matting and framing however you’d like. Titled, signed, numbered and dated on the reverse.  This is (currently) an open series.  Allow 3-4 days for both printing and shipping via USPS First-Class Mail.  PayPal, money orders, good publicity accepted.  Watermarks will not appear on the actual prints.

“Black Pond Swans #7″

“Black Pond Swans #8″

“Black Pond Swans #9″

“Black Pond Swans #10″

I’ll try to accommodate any custom requests (B&W versions, prints up to 11×14, etc.)  Just ask.  :-)

A little bit of hope remains.

I’ve been very sick and unable to keep this blog updated over the past week.  Today I woke up in a pool of sweat, shivering.  Not good.

2009 has been a terrible year for artists…personally, it’s been downright devastating to watch my page views dwindle to less than 1/10th of what they were a little over a year ago, while my work continues to get better and more expensive to produce.  People are more interested in Tiger Woods’ driving abilities than anything else, if I’m to believe what’s on my television.

I’m not quite sure if there’s anything I can do to turn my situation around, especially while the economy is still in shambles.  The uncertainty of the future has caused me so much anxiety and depression, and I’m well aware that broadcasting my self-doubt to the world is NOT a good business strategy. On the other hand, I am inches away from rock bottom and every opportunity somehow ends up with me getting royally shafted because I’m the reclusive artist who gets discovered after they die.  I don’t have much to lose, I’ve got just a tiny shred of hope left, and I’m sincerely asking for your help.

Please, please, please share my art with anyone who might be interested.  If you’re a past client who’s pleased with your purchase…this will uphold the value of your investment.  Have a blog?  Link to my website/auctions and I’ll reciprocate.  On Facebook?  Add me as a friend.  This is also about spreading good karma.  I’ll be giving away free ACEOs and maybe even full-sized painting(s) to anyone who can turn my luck around.

I’m currently listing a lot of reasonably-priced “New Hope” breast paintings – these will make fantastic gifts for those hard-to-buy-for people on your Christmas list.

Here are a few of my current listings:

“New Hope #255″ – breast painting – 12″ x 12″

“New Hope #253″ – breast painting – 12″ x 12″

“New Hope #240″ – breast painting – 16″ x 20″

“New Hope #251″ – breast painting – 12″ x 12″

“New Hope #260″ – breast painting – 10″ x 20″

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #24 – sleep deprivation ACEO

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #25 – sleep deprivation ACEO

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #26 – sleep deprivation ACEO

“A Little Bit of Insomnia” #27 – sleep deprivation ACEO

My eBay listings

TurtleKiss.com

Facebook

Don’t know what else to say.  Fingers crossed.  Thank you.

2 paintings and some photos.

“Insomnia #7″ – 16″ x 20″ –  sleep-deprivation painting

“New Hope #221″ – 14″ x 18″ – breast painting:

These photos were taken at Black Pond during the Leonid Meteor Shower.

Paintings are here.

“New Hope #214″ & “Insomnia 4 & 5″

I decided to stay up and watch the Leonid Meteor Shower last night.  I only saw 3 meteors (and caught 0 fish,) but I took some photos of the Black Pond swans while I was there – they’re all grown up and the babies are flying now!

These 7 day auctions were all listed last night:

“New Hope #214″ – 18″ x 24″ – breast painting

“Insomnia #4″ – 4″ x 4″ mini sleep-deprivation painting

“Insomnia #5″ – 4″ x 4″ mini sleep-deprivation painting

Start the bidding on eBay.

5 new ACEOs & hello MAXIM readers!

The December ‘09 issue of MAXIM should hit newsstands on Tuesday – it will have a small interview with me and a photo of one of my “New Hope” breast paintings.  Past/future client are encouraged to buy an issue for documentation purposes – keep it with the Certificate of Authenticity (after you read it, of course.)  Leave me a message if you got here from there – I’d love to know when the issue is out.  If this is your first time here, these links might be of help to you:

current eBay listings
TurtleKiss.com (my website/archives)
my Facebook
YouTube
e-mail me – still taking orders for custom “New Hope breast paintings with delivery in time for Christmas
XBox360 Gamertag: TurtleKiss
PS3 Gamertag: TurtleKiss (Don’t expect me to abandon Modern Warfare 2/360 anytime soon)

These are the 5 ACEOs I listed tonight:

“A Little Bit of Runoff” #11

“A Little Bit of Runoff” #12

“A Little Bit of Gilded Insomnia” #4

“A Little Bit of Gilded Insomnia” #5

“A Little Bit of Gilded Insomnia” #6

Newly listed; ending shortly

I’ve been busy playing Modern Warfare 2 for about 5 days straight, but that’s a perfectly acceptable excuse for not updating this blog.  As usual, these are either ending very soon or listed recently.  All breast paintings!

“A Little Bit of Hope” #134 – ACEO (enlarged to show detail)

“A Little Bit of Hope” #135 – ACEO (enlarged to show detail)

“New Hope #237″ – 16″ x 20″

“New Hope #240″ – 16″ x 20″

“New Hope #242″ – 8″ x 10″

Relisted – “New Hope #242″ - 14″ x 18″

Want to play Modern Warfare 2 with me? My gamertag on XBL is TurtleKiss. I’m usually online late and I play a lot of team deathmatches, so send me a friend request.

The paintings are available on eBay.

Still taking custom requests for custom “New Hope” paintings.  Contact me here.

More “Entropy” and “Gilded Insomnia #1″

The “Entropy” series is created with many, many, many layers of mixed media on canvas.  These were so time-consuming (and expensive) to create - they’re heavy, textured, delicious, and opulent!  Thanks to Adderall, I spent countless hours refining teensy-weensy little details that probably look unintentional to everyone except me.  I don’t know if that makes me a fool or a creative genius.  Regardless, I’m really happy with how they turned out.

“Entropy # 7″ – supersparkly – ultratextured – multilayered

“Entropy # 8″ – supersparkly – ultratextured – multilayered

“Entropy # 10″ – supersparkly – ultratextured – multilayered

“Entropy # 11″ – supersparkly – ultratextured – multilayered

“Gilded Insomnia #1″ – 11″ x 14″ – supersparkly – ultratextured – multilayered sleep-deprivation painting

in my eBay store

Obligatory slew of stuff that’s ending soon or hasn’t started yet.

Short & sweet, since no one reads this anyway…

“A Little Bit of Hope #128″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #129″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #130″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #131″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Runoff #7″ – ACEO

“A Little Bit of Gilded Runoff #2″ – ACEO

“A Little Bit of Gilded Insomnia #3″ – sleep-deprivation ACEO

“New Hope #218″ – 4″ x 4″ single-transfer breast painting

“New Hope #219″ – 4″ x 4″ single-transfer breast painting

“New Hope #220″ – four 6″ x 6″ canvases – breast painting

“New Hope #244″ – relisted – 14″ x 18″ – breast painting

Interested?

3 breast paintings and a mess of ACEOs

Many new pieces to share this week!  Some of these are ending in a few days, so hop on over to eBay and have a look.

You may recognize this first piece from my business card…it’s been hanging on my wall for well over a year.

“New Hope #106″ – 2008  - 18″ x 24″ – breast painting

“New Hope #244″ – 14″ x 18″ – breast painting

“New Hope #248″ – 8″ x 10″ – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #124″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #125″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #126″ – ACEO – breast painting

“A Little Bit of Hope #127″ – ACEO – breast painting

Proudly presenting 3 new crossover series…

“A Little Bit of Gilded Hope #1 – ACEO – gilded breast painting

“A Little Bit of Gilded Runoff” #1 – ACEO – gilded runoff painting

“A Little Bit of Gilded Insomnia” #1 – ACEO – gilded sleep-deprivation painting

“A Little Bit of Gilded Insomnia” #2 – ACEO – gilded sleep-deprivation painting

Many more pieces to come!  I’m feeling pretty good, although I still have trouble sleeping about twice a week – including right now (6 a.m. and I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.)  I have many great new projects dancing around in my head, and I’m eager to get started on them.  I’m much less excited to list the creations I’ve finished…although many of them are quite lovely.  I never stop complaining about computer-related tedium, do I?

Don’t wait to schedule your painting session for a commissioned “New Hope” breast painting.  These are the perfect gift for those impossible-to-buy-for people on your list!  I’m also taking requests for one-of-a-kind beaded jewelry.  I’ve got LOTS of semi-precious stones, beads, Swarovski crystals & .925 Sterling Silver hardware that wants to become a special and unique keepsake for you or someone special.  Got any other requests?  I’d love to make your holiday shopping virtually effortless.  :-)